Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
