I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
