Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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