i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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