I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
