I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
