You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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