No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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