In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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