Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
