I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
