I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
