I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
