why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
