She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
