U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
