so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
