I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
