Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Your penis caused this!
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