Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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