kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
