With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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