i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
