Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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