Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
