So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
