found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
she smelled like a LAN party
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
