Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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