I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
