I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
