I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
