Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
