I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
