I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have fence marks all over my body
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
