Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
