R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
