Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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