these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
