my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
