OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
