Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
