I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
