Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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