I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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