i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
