help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
