It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
