Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
