I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
A bitchslap is in order.
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