so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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