Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
wow bdsm is so cute
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