1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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