If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
