Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
