Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
