my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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